Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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