I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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