dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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