Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
