I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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