p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
