he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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