I heard we made out
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
