Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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