I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
