Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize