sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My first STD was from a foam party
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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