I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i barfeds in our rink
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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