So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
