oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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