no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my being single is dangerous.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
