We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
