I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How does one acquire holy water?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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