I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
