Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
