Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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