Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
