i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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