Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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