really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
