Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize