My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
