Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
