Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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