rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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