I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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