I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
