I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
