so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
