girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
