Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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