i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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