the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
