I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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