so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
