Say something about gay babies.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
