When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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