I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
