whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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