so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
