I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize