I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
