? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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