bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
