You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize