It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
