I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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