can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
