He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
did you just send me my own nude
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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