WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
