don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
