I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
