It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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