he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
