It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
