He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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