You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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