erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize