in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
