and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
