What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize